Mood: ...Stressed...

Jul 21, 20144 min read

Deviation Actions

Published: Jul 21, 2014

2.9K Views

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I've been in huge stressed lately...

when i was gunna make an appoinment yesterday they said my permit expired and when i was reading the info they said to renew it i gotta take it again which i dont want to cause it was freaken hard and the stress got to me when studying. im waiting for the call so i can ask if i can take the driving test without the renew of the permit since i am older than 18 and this will be my second time taking it not first. but unfortantily they gave me the news that i had to so on aug 5 i gotta take my writing test again...*sobs*

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then also college which im so nervous since i will be starting on aug 25 and all my family are putting peer pressure on me which i know i gotta study when i get there and they are all making me more nervous

and then my mother who i feel due to the medications she has taken has caused her to be bipolar abit. one day she would be happy til the next she is selfish yelling angery and making me feel so bad of myself. im glad she is bk to work and her attitude changed abit from there but for the pass three months it had been hell and crying every night.

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i may be happy talking with everyone and my lover helping me out through this situation but im just so thinking to much i couldnt sleep well, im not eating right, i feel like throwing up time to time. i feel so sick and dead inside im panicking and nervous break down time to time when im alone in my room.

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im also been getting lots of negative things lately. i told some of my friends saying i want to be Loki for AX next yr from the dark world since i have his hair style when he was in prison and i do feel like dressing him since i love him and tom hiddleston. i loved loki not at this age but when i was young when i was first intruduced to comics. my uncle is and still is a mega dc/marvel/other comic geek collector and when i go and visit he lets me read his books and im also a whole geek girl tomboy when i was just young. im now a mega loki fan due to the avengers movie which tom did a wonderful job in it. but anyway after telling it to some of my friends, some say "ugh why him?" "that aint new" "wow just like every other fangirl" and laughing and giving me looks. And then they say In a dull tone "wow ur such a marvel fanatic. " or "all u ever talk about Is marvel". I would just wish to sew or shut my mouth. I do love marvel yes cause of Its wonderful stories and also I am a fanatic for It. I know I must be annoying so many ppl lately...I just wish I could be quiet anf never talk. Or maybe even mute..they would be abit better without me bragging so much of marvel or anime. Istood up for myself saying i want to because i want to but inside i do feel hurt and i tear so much. i feel just like him. being left out in alot of things.

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also getting critizied at how i draw. i get like "why u draw the boobs too big" "why sexy?" "why do u have to have yaoi in it" "wow her boobs are huge." and laugh at my drawing. i just draw what i want to draw or when i get drawing commissions or request. I dont care of they turned out if i like them than im ok but still it kinda makes me feel horriable

ive been bobbling up all theses stress im losing it. i feel im gunna snap and never come back to reality.